Why am I so wrong?

I believe my parents lost all trust in me and instilled their own doubts in me from the very beginning, unconsciously raising me to have questionable results and making me seem like I never get things right and never do anything right, always saying things unnecessarily to the extreme rather than the whole truth.
Their view of truth differs from mine, and this family, including me, will always refuse to accept the other as right and will never admit defeat to their own "right".
An open mind and open mouth will never fit in with their ways. Of course my response is considered offensive, of course any answer I give will go against myself. Silence itself brings about an unsatisfactory response. I am a dumb empty nutshell and nothing I say or not say will not make me seem better. I have so many bad influences against me and my mind is apparently corrupted, but by whom has my ways been distorted? Of course they'll never say they know a clue where it went wrong.
Then I'll admit: from the time I was taught to speak my mind more often, from times I was required to learn to take initiative, and from the times I was inspired to be useful and more helpful and more honest, I have lost all sense of priorities and lost much motivation to elevate myself and more. Honesty to a point. Literal, technical, and logical interpretations. No room for mistakes. I'm already behind, the other people don't matter. There's no time to think things through, efficiency over ever thinking about the other possibilities, not just the best, not just perfect, only undisputedly at the top will be deservingly rewarded, no loose ends.
I'm already a lost cause. I have done things, ignoring the "I can't do it. Well." And the result will only add to my many doubtful failures, "I knew it"s, uncertainties, and hopes and expectations crushed. They expect me to do well, but success will indeed come as unexpected.

Washing cups

Being a Teacher's aid, I feel much more freedom and I feel I have much more time. It's refreshing. I get to wake up early in the morning and I could go wherever do whatever I want. Its awesome. She didnt have anything for me to do, then I asked to wash her cups and she let me do that... in the 1st floor guy's bathroom T_TT my first time there today and a security guy came in T_T AWKWARD
... well I took this picture, I just had to and I wish I had my better camera, from my phone using the HDR feature thingy. Its pretty cool and it looked like I would've gotten similar results with the normal single shot feature. Actually, the sky color looks much better in normal single shot, but thats the way it is -▪_▪-
I love waking up early in the mornings for things like this.

Woke up late

1:40 wake up
*sigh*
I skipped church
Got tons of homework (don't wanna start~ -_-)
This is my breakfast...
Looks like lunch will be instant noodles ~~~~
(So lame~ TT_TT)

Tequilla Tart

My very good chemistry make-up teacher Ms. Spillard made (baked?) tequilla tarts for the whole class on the day she gave us finals exams ^_^
They taste so good that I savored mine to the end and asked her for the last one >.<
Then I brought it home for my parents to try out, but two weeks later (now) no one has eaten it yet -_-
I'm super mad cuz now it doesn't look so hood, but I really felt like eating it -_-#
My parents haven't even tried it yet QQ
Now mom says it's probably no good, since my finals were, like, two Wednesdays ago T_T
Next time, I should ask her for the recipe XD -__-

Locked Out :'(

...
this is another post on FB that imma delete in one day.

:c i just got locked out of the house :'(
it's cold :( no jacket
no cell phone :( can't call anyone
doorbell fails :( lilian rang it 9 times b4 calling someone inside
I've learned my lesson: Always check the door before you walk out of the house :(
(don't worry, i got back in after ringing the bell 3x TT_TT)

i should start tagging these as one day posts.
i mean, like, i guess i do like it if someone might just happen to see it, but i don't want to risk it becoming a big problem. it's kinda funny and sad that people think i'm... not weird... maybe just a little off and trying too much. it's worse if they think i have too many problems at home and see a bad side to my family. no one wants to see the image of a family of a person close to them shattered, ruined, and ... forever tensed in an overflowing message of a single incident.
I still have my pride to watch out for, and if my family looks bad, so does that make me look weak... i guess.
derg, i must be just filling in words to make this whole thing seem soooo overmelodramatic (whatever that means) cuz it's fun to make up this stuff, even though i don't remember the exact feeling of the moment when i write it down. i mean, sure, i had some idea while i was standing out there only wearing a t-shirt and jeans in the night fog, an empty construction site to my left, the clang of a weight as it swings under the flag, the slight cool breeze that nudges the flag to flap, that i would've taken the time to enjoy if i wasn't worring about getting into the house to wrap myself up in a warm blanket first... yes i love my soft blanky.
if (only) i was a little taller... then i at least could've looked through the window so that i know whether someone is on the other side or on their way or if the bell didn't work -A- i wanna grow a little... i want my growth spurt X[
then once i get back in, i get yelled at. not much of a welcom, i know, but the yelling would've been worse if i, like, ran away or did something while i was outside and... disappeared (?).

Small white growth

I noticed this since... Around the time second semester started. I think it was around an important day. At first I guesses it was the day I quit being an honor student for sure. Then I remember that I was dressed really nice when I saw it and felt something wrong, so I probably showed it to my mom after my preschool's Spring Gala (I wonder how you spell that~).
Today, I've been noticing it more than usual kinda. I hope I'm not just somehow convincing myself of the worst, but it seems to be sticking out more and more... Maybe its growing 0_0! JK, but it didn't used to be so easy to see when I relaxed my hand.
Twice today, I was afraid to use full force on my pinkie to carry my Chinese textbook or something, but just now, when I really did straighten out my finger, I felt the book against the little white lump and... It's like a little bit of fought (?) skin was stretched over the cartilage :l weird...
I hope its not cancer ^_^
Probably not ^_^" XD
(i also wonder, if the enter thing works here, why doesn't it work on the computer? (hehehe, I just used voice command XD). I'll have to somehow find out how to type returns/enters in code... I hate the new Blogger format, I kinda like the older one better, or I'm at least more used to it, it's easier, good thing I found a way to switch back last time I posted from the computer teehees (voice command isn't very accurate, took longer to process... the correct words -_-) if that doesn't work, I guess I could always edit from my phone...)
Oh! A I just heard a seagul fly over the house. That's rare...

Description... try #1

hehe... i tried to add a description this time ^^ hope it's okay >< just like for www.happypix2009.blogspot.com, i had to deal with the frustration of a 500 character limit X[ i almost rambled, too! i mean, i just made myself seem like such a fake ppl pleaser, it's so... vague! this is what i really wanted to type out. next time, imma type it into paint again or something so that i don't have to worry about any 500 character limit XP. i might even just replace the whole thing with... a picture! i dunno how others do this kind of stuff, but i will make it work... somehow... someday...

okay... at first, i chose the option of making this a kind of photo blog where i just post pictures that i liked to find every now and then, which i used to do before i graduated and stopped using HappyPix2009.blogspot.com. now, i just post anything i feel like putting up online and don't feel like loosing or writing anywhere else. ur gonna c all the things that i dare to post no where else but here, cuz there are always those things that i want to be seen anywhere anytime and anywhere where no one i know will see and criticize me and ask me about it any other time ^^ anyway, enuff rambling, comment if u like or don't like anything, make suggestions so i could improve (the more ppl view & comment, the better this should b), and i'll try to post up things that anyone likes. Take Your Pick at what you like and I'll post up things and pictures that I like :) hopefully i'll get this organized better sooner or later, but since it's almost summer, (as i said last time) i might check this more often and make this better sooner ^^ Cheers!

of course i wanted to edit it again another time, but... o well! deal w/ it 4 now ^^ THANX! teeheesXDcya!