Woke up late

1:40 wake up
*sigh*
I skipped church
Got tons of homework (don't wanna start~ -_-)
This is my breakfast...
Looks like lunch will be instant noodles ~~~~
(So lame~ TT_TT)

Tequilla Tart

My very good chemistry make-up teacher Ms. Spillard made (baked?) tequilla tarts for the whole class on the day she gave us finals exams ^_^
They taste so good that I savored mine to the end and asked her for the last one >.<
Then I brought it home for my parents to try out, but two weeks later (now) no one has eaten it yet -_-
I'm super mad cuz now it doesn't look so hood, but I really felt like eating it -_-#
My parents haven't even tried it yet QQ
Now mom says it's probably no good, since my finals were, like, two Wednesdays ago T_T
Next time, I should ask her for the recipe XD -__-

Locked Out :'(

...
this is another post on FB that imma delete in one day.

:c i just got locked out of the house :'(
it's cold :( no jacket
no cell phone :( can't call anyone
doorbell fails :( lilian rang it 9 times b4 calling someone inside
I've learned my lesson: Always check the door before you walk out of the house :(
(don't worry, i got back in after ringing the bell 3x TT_TT)

i should start tagging these as one day posts.
i mean, like, i guess i do like it if someone might just happen to see it, but i don't want to risk it becoming a big problem. it's kinda funny and sad that people think i'm... not weird... maybe just a little off and trying too much. it's worse if they think i have too many problems at home and see a bad side to my family. no one wants to see the image of a family of a person close to them shattered, ruined, and ... forever tensed in an overflowing message of a single incident.
I still have my pride to watch out for, and if my family looks bad, so does that make me look weak... i guess.
derg, i must be just filling in words to make this whole thing seem soooo overmelodramatic (whatever that means) cuz it's fun to make up this stuff, even though i don't remember the exact feeling of the moment when i write it down. i mean, sure, i had some idea while i was standing out there only wearing a t-shirt and jeans in the night fog, an empty construction site to my left, the clang of a weight as it swings under the flag, the slight cool breeze that nudges the flag to flap, that i would've taken the time to enjoy if i wasn't worring about getting into the house to wrap myself up in a warm blanket first... yes i love my soft blanky.
if (only) i was a little taller... then i at least could've looked through the window so that i know whether someone is on the other side or on their way or if the bell didn't work -A- i wanna grow a little... i want my growth spurt X[
then once i get back in, i get yelled at. not much of a welcom, i know, but the yelling would've been worse if i, like, ran away or did something while i was outside and... disappeared (?).

Small white growth

I noticed this since... Around the time second semester started. I think it was around an important day. At first I guesses it was the day I quit being an honor student for sure. Then I remember that I was dressed really nice when I saw it and felt something wrong, so I probably showed it to my mom after my preschool's Spring Gala (I wonder how you spell that~).
Today, I've been noticing it more than usual kinda. I hope I'm not just somehow convincing myself of the worst, but it seems to be sticking out more and more... Maybe its growing 0_0! JK, but it didn't used to be so easy to see when I relaxed my hand.
Twice today, I was afraid to use full force on my pinkie to carry my Chinese textbook or something, but just now, when I really did straighten out my finger, I felt the book against the little white lump and... It's like a little bit of fought (?) skin was stretched over the cartilage :l weird...
I hope its not cancer ^_^
Probably not ^_^" XD
(i also wonder, if the enter thing works here, why doesn't it work on the computer? (hehehe, I just used voice command XD). I'll have to somehow find out how to type returns/enters in code... I hate the new Blogger format, I kinda like the older one better, or I'm at least more used to it, it's easier, good thing I found a way to switch back last time I posted from the computer teehees (voice command isn't very accurate, took longer to process... the correct words -_-) if that doesn't work, I guess I could always edit from my phone...)
Oh! A I just heard a seagul fly over the house. That's rare...

Description... try #1

hehe... i tried to add a description this time ^^ hope it's okay >< just like for www.happypix2009.blogspot.com, i had to deal with the frustration of a 500 character limit X[ i almost rambled, too! i mean, i just made myself seem like such a fake ppl pleaser, it's so... vague! this is what i really wanted to type out. next time, imma type it into paint again or something so that i don't have to worry about any 500 character limit XP. i might even just replace the whole thing with... a picture! i dunno how others do this kind of stuff, but i will make it work... somehow... someday...

okay... at first, i chose the option of making this a kind of photo blog where i just post pictures that i liked to find every now and then, which i used to do before i graduated and stopped using HappyPix2009.blogspot.com. now, i just post anything i feel like putting up online and don't feel like loosing or writing anywhere else. ur gonna c all the things that i dare to post no where else but here, cuz there are always those things that i want to be seen anywhere anytime and anywhere where no one i know will see and criticize me and ask me about it any other time ^^ anyway, enuff rambling, comment if u like or don't like anything, make suggestions so i could improve (the more ppl view & comment, the better this should b), and i'll try to post up things that anyone likes. Take Your Pick at what you like and I'll post up things and pictures that I like :) hopefully i'll get this organized better sooner or later, but since it's almost summer, (as i said last time) i might check this more often and make this better sooner ^^ Cheers!

of course i wanted to edit it again another time, but... o well! deal w/ it 4 now ^^ THANX! teeheesXDcya!

Vote 4 me, _____y _ee

This sounds somewhat familiar every time... First it was "vote for me, Bailey Yee for c/o '13 President"...
...
Now this:

May 12, 2012 @ ~4:30pm I think... Nope, I got it wrong. That was a Saturday, this was taken way earlier last week, maybe even the week before that . _. cuz elections were on Friday XD

My Letter to God

I had a really hard time last night, and my eyes still hurt from it. hehe, no one told me that crying so much (i didn't cry all night, i only cried for about maybe 15 mins) would give me such a headache~ i mean, i knew i'd get puffy eyes and i almost posted "get ready for a day of super chinky eyes 2mrro!", but i already spammed the newsfeed too much. I did post a super long prayer, since it helps me concentrate my thoughts better that way (I can't pray out loud or in my mind -_-"). i typed it the whole time i was crying, posted it, then washed my super snotty wet face and went to bed. at least i didn't cry myself to sleep TT_TT. imma delete the post and post it here where no one looks so that i still have it, even though i don't want anyone else to see it on FB. I replaced it with lyrics from Adele's "Someone Like You" that i really wanted to post yesterday cuz that part and the chorus and bridge were stuck in my head. that's what i like. i couldn't understand why pple loved adele songs so much, but i didn't learn to love the song until my choir started singing it and i started to love the chorus, pre-chorus, and bridge, but not the verses, i hate them. i hate praying though cuz i'm afraid i'll offend someone T_T. here it is XD:

Jaje Jang ‎"God... Save me... I don't like making my parents mad, maybe because I'm scared of being yelled at. I don't like crying like this because it's uncomfortable and unclean. I can't talk. I can't breath through my own nose. I can't hold all my tears in the palm of my hand. I... can't think right. My forehead hurts from hyperventilation. God, I'm sad. I'm sorry for my parents. I'm sorry for myself. I'...m not good enough for anyone. All I do is laugh it off until I cry it out all too much all at once. I'm sorry, and it's all my fault. I should've been smarter. I should've used my brain. Why am I not good enough the way I am, despite being made,in your image. It's not your fault nor their fault. I can't see why I just can't do what I'm supposed to. Am I meant to cry like this? What will I learn from these painful tears? It hurts, but I have to keep going. Please give me the guidance and strength for me to continue on. For my family to continue on. For my life to continue on. For anyone who feels the same way so that they don't have to go through the same thing. So that they don't have to go through the same tears, hear the same shouts, and feel the same throb in my eyes, in my face, on my head, in my face, in my mind, and in my heart. So that they don't have to fight against their own parents who loves them and raised them as their own and gives everthing to them. So that they don't have to try to fight back, even if they don't know how to fight back and know that fighting back is futile, that fighting back will only result in their loss, because they know they are wrong, and you shouldn't fight against a parent in the first place. I know I'd feel lonely if I didn't know I wasn't the only one, but please don't let anyone else feel this way and forgive and help those who already feel like crying. Amen" If only God will read this... I hope he does.

then later, i wrote...

"I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited, but I- couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it. I had hoped you'd see my face___ and that you'd be reminded that, for me,... It isn't over.____" I start adding more ppl when I'm sad. Thanx ppls (^-^)v

Geh! I think I found... like... 3 typos earlier D: o wellz. imma delete it anyway teeheesXD thanx for reading! I'd feel much better if someone read it from here (rather) than from facebook, cuz u chose to read it ^_^ (unlike all my friends who r stuck reading my posts because it pops up in their newsfeeds). hopefully no one saw it yet XD thanx 4 reading. SeeyaTeeheesXD